WORD OF THE WEEK ARCHIVES

pymble (PIM-bul) n.

Small metal object about the size of a thimble which lies on the ground. When you kick it you discover it is the top of something buried four feet deep.

garvock (GAR-vok) n.

The action of putting your finger in your cheek and flicking it out with a "pock" noise.

darenth (DA-renth) n.

Measure = 0.0000176 mg. Defined as that amount of margarine capable of covering one hundred slices of bread to a depth of one molecule. This is the legal maximum allowed in sandwich bars in Greater London.

maaruig (maa-aa-aa-aa-aaaaaaaaaargh-arrrgh-RUOOUOUOU-ighkh*) n. * loudly, as if in pain

The inexpressible horror experienced on waking up in the morning and remembering that you are still Scotty in Star Trek.

cloates point (KLOHTS point) n.

The precise instant at which scrambled eggs are ready.

zod (ZOD) n.

An irritating lump which sticks out from the main body. Hence:

1. A bit of cement which sits proud of the brickwork.
2. A drip of paint on the windowpane.
3. The knob of surplus butter on a corner of toast.
4. Geraldo Rivera's head.

kurdistan (KOOR-dis-TAHN) n.

Hard stare given by a husband to his wife when he notices a sharp increase in the number of times he answers the phone to be told, "Sorry, wrong number."

pott shrigley (POT SHRIG-lee) n.

Dried remains of a week-old casserole, eaten when extremely drunk at 2:00 A.M.

draffan (DRAF-fan) n.

An infuriating person who always manages to look much more dashing tha anyone else by turning up unshaven and hung over at a formal party.

grimbister (GRIM-bis-ter) n.

Large body of cars on a highway all traveling at exactly the speed limit because one of them is a police car.

ravenna (rah-VEN-ah) n.

Poetic term for the cleavage in a workman's bottom that peeks above the top of his trousers.

offord darcy (off-er DAR-see) n.

A gate-crasher you can't get rid of because he's beome the life and soul of the party.

belding (BELD-ing) n.

The technical name for a stallion after its first ball has been cut off. Any notice which reads "Beware of the Belding" should be taken very, very seriously.

esterhazy (EST-er-hay-zee) adj.

(Medical term) Suffering from selective memory loss. The virus causing this condition is thought to breed in the air-conditioning system of the White House.

simprim (SIM-prim) n.

The little movement of false modesty by which a woman with a cavernous visible cleavage pulls her skirt down over her knees.

tingewick (TINJ-wik) n.

The first, sleepy morning stirrings of the penis.

gastard (GAS-terd) n.

Useful specially new-coined term for an illegitimate child (in order to distiguish it from someone who merely cuts you off on the highway, etc.).

willimantic (WIL-i-MAN-tik) adj.

Of a person whose heart is in the wrong place (i.e., between his legs).

pelutho (pel-OOTH-oh) n.

A South American ball game. The balls are whacked against a brick wall until the prisoner confesses.

shirmers (SHER-merz) pl. n.

Tall young men who stand around smiling at weddings as if to suggest that they know the bride rather well.

huby (HEW-bee) n.

A half erection large enough to be a publicly embarrassing bulge in the trousers, but not large enough to of use to anybody.

thrupp (THRUP) vb.

To hold a ruler on one end of the desk and make the other end go bbddbbddbbrrbrrrrddrr.

boinka (BOYN-kah) n.

The noise through the wall that tells you that the people next door enjoy a better sex life than you do.

elsrickle (ELZ-rik-ul) n.

A bead of sweat that runs down between the cheeks of your behind.

laxobigging (LAX-oh-BIG-ing) ptcpl. vb.

Struggling to extrude an extremely large turd.

freemantle (FREE-man-tul) vb.

To steal things not worth the bother of stealing. One steals cars, money, and silver. Book matches, airline eye patches and individual pots of apricot jam are merely fremantled.

moisie (MOY-zee) adj.

The condition of one's face after performing cunnilingus.